Our 9/11: When a Wife Forgives the Unforgivable
By: Sandy Jacobs
Our 9/11: A Marriage Shattered, A Life Rebuilt
We have a quote in our kitchen that says, “Sometimes it takes God forever to change suddenly.”
April 16th, 2016 will be the date remembered that changed our lives suddenly and forever. We call it our 9/11.
A train wreck or an explosion could not have shattered and destroyed our lives any more.
My husband and I were both raised in Christian homes. We both always went to church. I thought he was a good Christian boy.
We married when he was 20 and I was 17. We raised our daughters and our 3 grandchildren to love the Lord. We appeared to be a good Christian couple.
However, there was a darkness in our marriage that I could never define. I knew something wasn’t right, but not wanting to face it, I let it continue for years. I wasn’t aware of the sin that he had brought into our marriage bed.
That beautiful spring day in April, I had enough. I wanted to face the darkness that was hovering over us. Nothing in my life had prepared me for the truths that came out. My husband of 52 years told me of his struggle with pornography and sexual addiction, starting at the age of 12.
Nothing in my life was real now… our whole marriage had been a lie from the start. I had been living with a fraud. My anger was out of control. I had nothing.
I kicked and screamed. I wanted to burn every picture… wanted to burn the house down. I wanted to kill him and tried.
I had spent a lifetime thinking I wasn’t pretty enough… smart enough… sexy enough. Why was I never enough? Answers were coming. Things were coming into light. I was so sure it was me, when all along, because of his sin, he has built a wall around himself. He had never given his heart to me, so we never bonded as a married couple.
I was married to him a lifetime and did not know he had been carrying on adulterous type affairs with porn and mentally using women our whole marriage.
He had never been faithful to me, to our children, or to our God. This caused more grief to our family than can be imagined. I blamed myself for not being enough for him and for not realizing this was going on all of this time.
I was 69 years old, now my marriage was over and I didn’t know what to do next. I wanted to die. I had a heart attack and almost did.
BUT GOD…
Let’s back up to September 2015. My daughters and I went to see the movie War Room. I came home and turned my closet into my own prayer war room. My husband was at the top of my list. I didn’t know what I’d find or what I would be in for, 6 months later.
But God knew and He had a plan. Never underestimate the power of prayer.
On April 18th, 2018, my husband called our pastor to our home. He confessed and repented of this horrendous sin to our marriage.
I wish I could say it was easy peasy.
I hated him for what he had done. I knew he would be forgiven by God… but could I ever forgive him?
The first day we went to counseling, my anger roared out of control. I couldn’t help thinking, I am so wounded and he is forgiven.
Counseling is very expensive and that made me even angrier. I had saved and done without so we could have a decent retirement. Now we were about to blow it all just to fix him. I hated him more than ever.
God listened to my moaning… my fits of despair. He let me cry… scream… beat… until I was totally exhausted.
Then He quietly said to me, “If I would hang onto His hand, He would lead me through the flames.” I resisted many times. He would just let me scream it out again and again. Then I would take His hand again and we would walk on.
He knew how I felt about wasting our hard-earned money on counseling. He actually gave me words to say to my husband instead of using a counselor. He used me. I have no counseling background. This was totally God. After all, He is the Almighty Counselor, the Prince of Peace.
After several long hard months, Jesus brought me out of my anger. He revealed to us when and where my husband’s sin all began. We both did a lot of soul searching. We spent many nights fighting… then watched the love of Jesus wash over us.
Slowly… very slowly… we were able to build a relationship together.
Slowly Jesus showed us what real love and marriage was about.
Slowly He restored what the canker worm had eaten.
It’s been 7 years now. I love this man more than ever. We have a beautiful life together.
He has been healed of the addictions.
That doesn’t mean we haven’t put hedges around us. We have boundaries set in place. We have to be brutally honest with each other and make sure every hurt and disagreement is brought to the table. We know Satan is always there waiting and watching, trying to trip us up. But we know how to cast him out when he comes calling.
At times, I still have issues when we see a scantily dressed woman… but now I have Jesus holding my hand. I also know that my husband and I have something so special, that he isn’t going to blow his relationship with me or God just to lust after Satan’s bait.
This has been a small excerpt into my life. There is more… so much more to our story than I could begin to tell here.
There are also many miracles. The miracles are the things I would love to share with anyone going through what I went through.
Jesus touched our lives and we were changed suddenly. Once you’ve been touched by the hand of God, you will never be the same.
God gets all of the Glory in our story of repentance, reconciliation, and restoration.
If He could save a train wreck of a marriage like ours, He could save yours too.
Sandy Jacobs has been married to her husband, Larry, for more than 60 years. Together, they serve on the Board of Directors for Redeem These Ashes. To contact Sandy or Larry, please use theContact Us page.
